Tolkien Jew (A wizard cum chemist cum rabbi) — Tenor
Dr. Chicano (A physician and rake) — Tenor
Nurse Provocadora (Dr. Chicano’s assistant) — Mezzo-soprano
Priest (A priest ... duh) — Bass
Athos (Musketeer/Nightwatchman) — Tenor
Porthos (Musketeer) — Tenor
Aramis (Musketeer/Nightwatchman) — Bass
Gnome (A gnome) — Baritone
Brünhilde (Wagnerian Viking lady) — Soprano
Grim Reaper (Himself) — Bass
Two Maids (Eggarol’s servants) — Mezzo-sopranos
Willoughs (The butler) — Non-singing role
Wedding Guests — SATB chorus
Boniface Severe. The father of Eggarol and Peter’s employer. A gentleman of middle age and well-to-do. He is at times a decent father who has indulged his only daughter, but who is devious enough that he has no second thoughts about arranging an ill-conceived marriage between her and the prodigal son of the local count in order to save his mine, which is on the verge of financial ruin. When his plan is foiled, he becomes thoroughly evil, seeking only vengeance against the upstart Peter.
Eggarol Severe. The daughter of Boniface. A young lass in her early twenties, flighty and a bit of an airhead. A typical lady in distress. Initially she sees Peter only as a useful tool to avoid marriage to Dewayne, but after the wedding night she finds that she truly loves him.
Peter Aereophagus. An employee of Boniface who works in the mine, and the object of Eggarol’s attention. Of somewhat small stature, he is content to remain a lonely, disillusioned widower. Feeling he can never love again, he rebuffs Eggarol’s attempts to have him marry her. After succumbing to a love potion administered by Eggarol, he later finds that he genuinely loves her.
Count Dewayne de Monte Blotto. The arranged fiancé of Eggarol. A prodigal in his mid to late twenties with greasy black hair which he is wont to preen whenever a reflective surface presents itself. He is unintelligent and uncouth and renowned for his rakishness.
Dr. Chicano. A Mexican physician and womanizer. Rather unattractive but successful with women because he employs love potions that he obtains from Tolkien Jew.
Nurse Provocadora. Dr. Chicano’s nurse. Rather attractive and seductive, she also engages in “nighttime work” with Chicano as her pimp.
Tolkien Jew. The “token Jew” of the opera. A chemist cum rabbi who invents a love potion that in reality is more like modern-day Viagra. He disguises himself as a magician who practices qaballistic arts. Also a bit of a womanizer and a comically stereotypical “New York Jew.”
Athos, Porthos, Aramis. Three Musketeers directly out of Dumas, two of which moonlight as nightwatchmen.
Priest. A Roman Catholic priest.
Maids. Two flightly young ladies who are Eggarol’s personal servants.
Willoughs. The butler with no spoken or sung lines. A silent figure somewhat reminiscent of Lurch from “The Addams Family.”
Gnome. A character in a gnomish outfit who looks as though he just stepped out of an English garden.
Brünhilde. Viking lady straight out of Wagner. Heavy-set and wearing the quintessential horned helmet.
Grim Reaper. Appears as depicted in all the stereotypes, with long black robe, hood, and scythe.
Chorus & Bridesmaids. Various extras. Two of the bridesmaids are actually Eggarol’s private maids.